I had someone remark to me this week, “You never think something like this is going to happen to you, until it’s you.” I nodded, but silently disagreed. This friend was comforting me and meant no harm.
There are a million reasons why bad things happen, and I don’t pretend to understand any of them.
This past week, one of my favorite people in the world got diagnosed with cancer. Stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer, not curable.
I can’t describe to you how that feels. My Grandfather is the one person in my life who has never hurt my feelings, discouraged me or been anything negative in my life. I know no one is perfect, but he was perfect for me.
I’ve spent so much time crying since I heard the news, I’m not sure how this cycle ever comes to a stop. I’ll be listening to peppy music and one line in a song has me bawling on the kitchen floor or going to the bathroom because I’ve given up trying to keep tissues in stock in the house.
One thing you should know about me is I’m something of a workaholic. When I am stressed, I clean or bury myself into work. If I don’t have a big project, I invent one. some of my best projects came out of the most stressful times in my life. This time – this was different. I couldn’t “be okay” I couldn’t just “fake it till I made it” past this one. So I cried, and cried.
I took time off work.
Once some of the fog lifted a little and I knew I had to have some semblance of “normal” as much for the kids as for myself, since they’re home with me all day and having a pseudo-functioning mommy isn’t good for having happy kids. It was still several days before I was able to really function enough to get back in the saddle and make myself care about things that seemed so petty to me.
When I looked at my bank account and my pending commissions, something I usually do daily, I was satisfied with their growth while I had been absent and moved on to dealing with the rest of my very long must-do list. Then I sat there and realized how crazy it was that I had taken 4 days off and literally done nothing for my business, and yet there were several days where I earned over $1,000.
I’m not saying that as some kind of badge of honor because I’m the star entrepreneur who has their shit all together. I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I cried for days. I am not okay, and this week I am not together at all.
But, my bills are paid. I have grocery money. I’m still on track to pay off my student loans this month, which I know will make my Granddad proud.
So, whatever your business is, go build it now. Do it scared, do it imperfectly, just go out and freaking do it. Because life is short, and sometimes it falls apart and it’s horrible. And the worst thing in the world is when crazy happens, and you can’t take time to cry and fall apart because of stupid money. The worst thing is when you have to pretend to be okay for one more day when you’re dying on the inside and you can’t imagine giving any energy outside of what you need to keep yourself and your kids alive, fed, and mostly clean-ish.
Please. Don’t put it off.
This week, in between the crying I have been thankful that I don’t have to kill myself trying to be okay so we can eat. I was thankful my husband could say no to overtime so he could come home at his normal time to hold me while I cried, and it didn’t make one bit of difference in our budget.
You all, that is freedom.
You can’t control the horrible things. You can’t control life’s crazy. But damn it, you can control how stable your family is financially in the future by acting right now, and building whatever your business is.
I’m not selling anything here, no sales pitch and definitely no magic feather to make the crazy of life easier. Obviously I don’t know anything about that, or I wouldn’t still be a falling apart mess. But I can promise you: it takes a lot off your mind if you know your finances are taken care of, and I feel good knowing that one huge piece is taken care of, no matter what happens.
Seriously. go out and do whatever it is you haven’t been doing, or if you’ve been doing it, do it better. Because life is so, so unpredictable. You never know when this is how your afternoon will go: